Pure Heart (Mid Glamorgan)

The Healing Garden

Clasping the ends of the orange ribbon, I carefully crossed them and tied them in a bow. My hand was steady as I wrote out the simple message: “Dear Steve, Love you forever, Mum x.”

I stood back to admire my handiwork. “Steve will like that,” I thought, smiling. It was my son’s birthday but I wasn’t putting the finishing touches to his present and birthday card.

I was tying a ribbon around the tree of life in the Garden of Remembrance we’d just opened down the road from our house in Ynysboeth, Rhondda Cynon Taf. Steve died two years ago, aged 41, though the pain of losing him is still raw. My grief’s an open wound, but this garden is helping it to heal.

It’s a place to come and remember him alive and vibrant, picture him playing his darts, or laughing as he span his children Rachel and Matthew around until they shrieked.

Sitting by the olive tree, I shuddered as I remembered him coming to see me, tired and gaunt. “Are you OK, son?” I’d asked, concerned by his sudden weight loss and grey pallor.

Devastated

“Just tired, mum,” he’d insisted. He worked long hours as a courier driver, and insisted he’d been overdoing it.

But then he’d had no energy at all and had gone to see the doctor. After hospital tests, the diagnosis was quick – Steve had bowel cancer. It was awful. We were all so scared and shocked, but we had hope too. The doctors were sure they could treat it.

Steve was divorced and I asked him to come and live with me. I wanted to look after him. I was glad I did, especially when we were told the doctors couldn’t remove the tumour. It was attached to his kidney and liver.

I was devastated, but Steve was so brave. He carried on seeing his children and tried to keep a smile on his face. I poured all my love and energy into looking after him.

Breathtaking

He died 10 months after being diagnosed. I was hollowed out with grief. We interned Steve’s ashes with my dad at Abercynon cemetery. I’d go there to feel close to him.

I am part of a local charity, the Strategy, and we began talking about creating a Garden of Remembrance for the community. I thought it was a fantastic idea and so I agreed to do an appeal for TV.

I was a bit nervous about going on but it was too important a cause to say no. I recorded an appeal to show on ITV Wales Tonight and viewers then had to vote for the project they thought deserved help from the Big Lottery Fund’s regional People’s Millions contest.

We won, and were given £50,000 to create the garden, which is called the Calon Lan (Pure Heart) project.

We hired a handyman to create the most beautiful place we could imagine. There’s the Tree of Life, an olive tree, a steel bench and an abstract sculpture with words and angels engraved in it. It’s breathtaking.

There’s also a wall where we have our loved ones’ names engraved on terracotta tiles. I go and touch Steve’s – it makes me feel close to him. On special occasions, we tie ribbons to the tree of life and write messages. It’s amazing to see that tree covered in ribbons – a show of love for those who are no longer here. It helps us all so much knowing they will never be forgotten.

Proud

I bring Steve’s children here – Rachel is 16 and Matthew’s 14, and they like it. It’s so peaceful with the plants and trees.

I come down here all the time. It’s only a short walk from my house. Sometimes I cry, because I still miss him so much, but other times I smile. I love the garden the community has created – and I know Steve would be proud of me for doing my little bit to help it happen. That means a lot to me.

Website: BryncynonStrategy.org.uk